Welcome to the Cosmic Abyss

For all the thinking I do, all of the over-analyzing of daily minutae, all of the sleep I've lost in my entire life that hovers in grainy particles around me and that I could scoop up with both of my fists and use as an exfoliater to scrub off the layers of sweat and grime on my skin that has accumulated like a wax to seal in all of my anxieties, my questions, my whys and what-fors and who-are-you-to-mes and what-am-I-to-yous and what-is-the-meaning-of-it-alls, I'm actually not really sure I thought about what I was getting myself into before I moved here. I was seduced by HAVING A PLAN and I didn't give myself enough time to think about what I really, really, really want to be doing, where I want to live, who I want to be with, what I deep-down feel that I am supposed to be doing with my one and only life. It's not better to have a plan, to be married to a plan, if it's just something to be doing while time is passing, never to come back again. Right?